I can almost feel in my own heart, the racing of yours in the present situation you are in.
And to mention you have never experienced an anxiety this intense before is so very understandable!
I’ve been there as well. Just recently...
...So much anxiety that my chest felt it was going to cave in and nothing seemed to alleviate that awful feeling!
And yet, I see now how Jesus Christ was inviting me to sit with him IN THE MIDST of such pressures and unknowns and fears so He could demonstrate His Peace to me IN THE MIDST of the storm.
I’ve been able to grasp a bit deeper how His Peace always comes from within but doesn’t always accompany a “peace” from without.
I get pretty agitated when this be the case. Because I want comfort. I don’t want stress. I want answers and I want control. Eeek, I know, that sounds pretty brash.
But it’s my honest heart. And I gotta tell you how Jesus Christ walked alongside me as I spelled out my brashness to Him quite bluntly...
And you know what?
He listened without condemnation.
He reminded me that He understands what it feels like to be under so much pressure. And He listened as I spread before Him my “complaint” and my desire for liberation from such intensity.
It was at that moment, when I “crumpled to the floor” and asked for liberation did He begin to open deeper my understanding of His promised Peace.
His peace isn’t based on my feelings. His peace is based on His Powerful Presence promised to me into which He invites me to further lean.
And that took a willful action on my part...and it is by no means easy!
Here’s specifically how, and what, I chose to do...
I apprehensively, and ever so slowly, unclenched the tight grasp my “hands” had on the “steering wheel” of my life.
This choice was so arduous. Because I was afraid. I was afraid I wouldn’t be taken care of well. I was afraid that the response from my willful unclenching would make me even more uncomfortable, more abandoned, more in trouble.
And my unclenching was certainly gradual and I’m finding now, it is also ongoing.
But as I unclench, I simultaneously leaned into His Promised Powerful All-sovereign presence that declares He is FOR ME, not against me.
In doing so, I became aware that my chest began to loosen and my heartbeat began to still...gradually, like a wailing baby being slowly calmed by the soothing presence and assurance of her mother.
Gradual, and still sobbing, but noticeably willing to let the one who is holding me to be and do what I clearly cannot.
That’s our Great Heavenly Father, in whose arms we are cradled and in whose care we are forever guaranteed.
Take heart, my dear sister, we are in the arms of Jesus. Come what may.